just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
