I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
