I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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