I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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