Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
