The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
