There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
