i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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