and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
