I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
