"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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