oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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