dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
