Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize