Non-Jews are for practice
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
