Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
