dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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