My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize