Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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