I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
