I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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