I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize