you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize