I faked an abortion last night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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