i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
