you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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