let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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