My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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