kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
