yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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