He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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