I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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