im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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