I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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