You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
