My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
