Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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