Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
