Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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