HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
