Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
