Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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