I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
