Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
