just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
