I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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