Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i will never coherently bang her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
