i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
