Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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