There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
