Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
