I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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