my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
