How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
