this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize