i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
