she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
