he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
