Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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